I’m sorry: in my thinking that I would update my blog while undergoing chemotherapy, I fooled you all, and myself. Turns out it’s a lot harder to write when you’re exhausted, and when you’re doing chemo, you’re mostly exhausted. Like, too-tired-to-cook-so-let’s-get-takeaway-again exhausted. I’m not sure I ever want to see a spicebag again.
So I have not written anything in some time: months, in fact. Instead, I have been having chemotherapy, puking (sorry), finishing chemotherapy, watching Game of Thrones, swimming and willing my hair to grow back. A mixed bag of activities, but so it goes.
I don’t intend to let this blog slide: when I’m ready to talk some more about it, I’m going to write a bit more about the ~the cancer journey~. I’m going to write about recovery, though I don’t know how I can say it better than Anna did. I’m going to write about my specific experiences with this disease, because I don’t want to talk for anyone else who has had cancer, plus cancer is a bizarrely specific disease. It’s different for everybody, which is enlightening and terrifying in equal measure.
An aside, and a list – some of the stranger things cancer has done for me:
- Turned me off coffee. I miss it so.
- Given me an intense aversion to long car journeys, the word “infusion” and any beeping noises that sound like chemo machines.
- Given me a new appreciation of those halcyon days of having hair. ( I stand by my claim that losing my hair was, for me the worst part of chemotherapy)
- Kicked a good chunk of my friends to the curb.
- Given me an intense appreciation of those friends who chose not to fuck off.
- Turned my toenails black. And not in a cool, goth way.
- Wrecked my lungs (possibly).
So I’m a long way from better – my last chemo treatment may have passed, but like Fianna Fail in 2002, I have a lot done and more to do.
So maybe I’ll use this blog to chronicle the recovery process, rather than the chemotherapy one. I’ve been warned that recovery can be every bit as tough as chemo, especially that I have to face up to the reality of my being a “cancer survivor” now.
You can only really write “today was great, I didn’t puke!” so many times, anyway.
Let’s leave it there, for now. But expect more thoughts and words soon. I continue to have nothing better to do.